


Oh, Baby!

by spacewitchqueen (vixy)



Series: Kaysanova AUs and Slices of Immortal Life [2]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Babysitting, Established Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Immortal Husbands Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, M/M, Nile is the true hero, kaysanova, slice of immortal life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:55:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26920228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vixy/pseuds/spacewitchqueen
Summary: In which they face an adversary that should not be underestimated... an actual baby.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: Kaysanova AUs and Slices of Immortal Life [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1958317
Comments: 6
Kudos: 110





	Oh, Baby!

Early morning. The first rays of sunshine have barely just started filtering through the blinds. Joe shouldn’t even be awake, it’s a crime to get up this early, it’s a crime to even think about getting up this early. He stretches an arm with the intention of wrapping himself around Nicky but all he finds is an empty space beside him. He opens his eyes and raises his head from the pillow. 

“Nicky?” Joe half yawns. 

A quick inspection reveals Nicky is not even in the bedroom. Joe is about to head to the kitchen when he hears voices. Nicky seems to be talking to someone at the door, he sounds happy. By the time Joe puts a shirt on, whoever came calling is gone and Nicky is standing in the living room facing a window, his back to Joe. Joe smiles and takes his chance to hug his husband from behind. 

“Good morning, my love.” Joe nuzzles Nicky’s neck.

“Good morning.” Nicky turns around to give Joe a soft kiss but he doesn’t lean completely into him. Joe looks down and sees why: Nicky has something in his arms. Someone. A tiny someone. 

“And who is this?”

“Someone left him at our door, so I guess he’s ours now.” Nicky smiles at Joe. Joe is speechless for a full minute before Nicky bursts out laughing. “I’m teasing you, he’s Nicole’s baby, you know, the nice woman from across the hall? She has a job interview today and couldn’t get a babysitter, so we’re taking care of him for the day.”

“We are?”

“Yeah, our neighbor needs a favor, it’s the kind thing to do.”

Joe feels a familiar warmth spreading in his chest. Yes, his Nicolò is kind, even if his memory is not the best. “ _ We _ were supposed to join Nile at the museum today. Remember? The last day of that exhibition she wants to see? She is sure she can point out which sketches are mine.”

“Oh, right.” Nicky’s face falls a little.

“Well, I suppose we could take him.” Joe points at the baby and lets him grab his finger.

“Nicky.”

“Yes, you, but also him.”

“His name is Nicholas, he’s baby Nicky.”

“Of course he is.” 

“And no, we cannot take him because what if his mother comes back early and we’re not here?”

“Alright. Let me call Nile then,”

“No, go with her, Joe. I’m going to be fine by myself.”

“Are you sure?”

“Go. I’ll be fine.” Nicky smiles. “Really, how hard can this be? He’s 1 year old, I have over 900 years on him.” Baby Nicky blew a loud raspberry.

If Joe doubts his husband's skills as it concerns childcare, he does not mention it. He goes back to the bedroom to take a quick shower and get ready to go. 

When he comes back out, he finds Nicky busy in the kitchen, holding baby Nicky in one arm and mashing a banana with the other, humming a cheerful little tune. 

“Nicky?” Both Nickys turn around to see Joe.

Joe raises his eyebrow and chuckles. “I’m leaving now.” He leans over the counter to kiss Nicky goodbye. Baby Nicky doesn’t take kindly to the interruption of the melody and starts crying. Joe leaves Nicky rocking the baby.

A couple of hours later, Joe gets a text “Come. Now.” Fearing the worst, he cuts the museum visit short not before apologizing profusely to Nile. Halfway home Joe wonders if he should’ve brought Nile along, maybe she has actual babysitting experience.

Nothing could have prepared Joe for the absolute disaster zone he walks into. The kitchen looks like a tiny tornado just blew by: there’s cereal scattered all over the floor, small puddles of what appears to be milk and indistinct fruit mush, a smashed bowl and a broken mug. The living room doesn’t look much better, there are baby clothes and toys on the couch and the coffee table, as if Nicky had emptied the contents of the baby’s diaper bag haphazardly and forgotten to put everything back in. There were tiny handprints on the wall and the carpet. Joe bites his lip trying his best not to laugh. “How hard can this be, indeed?”

Joe enters the bedroom, thankfully everything looks normal here. Nicky is sitting on the bed, cradling baby Nicky in his arms. The baby is fast asleep.

“What…?” Joe asks. Nicky raises his eyebrows at him menacingly. “What happened?” Joe continues in a whisper.

“He crawls.” Nicky hisses. “And walks.”

Joe looks at Nicky, not quite understanding what he means.

“I thought he would sleep all day. I’m telling you, this child is not normal.”

“He seems to be calm now.”

“Yes, he’s exhausted after he’s been wreaking havoc all morning.” 

“That reminds me, is that paint on the wall?”

Nicky rolls his eyes. “I thought it would be a fun thing to do.”

“And the kitchen?”

“Let’s just say breakfast and lunch didn’t go quite as planned.” 

Joe grins. “I didn’t think I’d live to see the day when you’d tolerate a kitchen that is not spotless.”

“How am I supposed to do anything when I’m holding him all the time?”

“You can put him down…”

“He. Cries.” Nicky sighs. “Or crawls away and hides. I spent fifteen horrible minutes looking for him because I put him down for a second to clean up the spilt milk and he went and hid under the bed.

Joe laughs, forgetting for a second that they’re trying to be quiet. His laughter is interrupted by a loud wail, baby Nicky does not appreciate being awakened so rudely. Nicky looks mutinous. 

“We need professional help.”

Thirty minutes later, Nile is knocking on their door. “So you two, immortal warriors cannot even deal with a small child? For shame.” She takes over from Nicky with the baby, feeds him and bathes him while Joe and Nicky clean the apartment. By the time Nicole comes back to collect baby Nicky, they are all sitting on the couch waiting for her and there isn’t a single thing out of place. Nicky gets up when the doorbell rings. 

“I hope he didn’t give you too much trouble, he only just started walking,” Nicole says, taking baby Nicky and the diaper bag from Nicky’s arms.

“Not at all, he’s an angel.”

Joe and Nile snort in the background, oh they will make Nicky pay for this one of these days.

“Eeky,” baby Nicky babbles.

Nicky ruffles the baby’s hair and bids his mother good evening. The look on Nicky’s eyes when he closes the door makes Joe think that maybe he won’t be too harsh with the punishment. Maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who wrote another silly fic featuring the Immortal Husbands? That would be me. Thank you very much for reading!


End file.
